Justin Bieber

It turns out that Canadian pop star Justin Bieber inspires just as much teen hormoning in Colombia as he does everywhere else he goes. 

The ‘Belieber’ machine set up shop in Bogota on Tuesday, where an audience of 30,000 — mostly young females, reportedly — screamed themselves into a frenzy at the Colombian capital’s El Campin stadium.

It was the first performance in the South American tilt of his 2013-2013 Believe Tour, which aspires to light up the pre-pubescent dreams of fans in 150 countries before it’s over, and if the night can be used as any indication of what is to come, Bieber’s visit has the potential to generate more uncontrolled madness than any of the numerous social uprisings fomenting in Colombia and other countries on the tour schedule.

Bieber reportedly traveled by motorcade to the stadium, on a bus that announced his impending arrival via speakerphone. Which might have been a good idea, if the police unit assigned to protect him had been able to keep a hord of rampant teenagers from swarming the bus.

Unconfirmed witness accounts say that Bieber was shouting at the police in garbled Spanish to start open firing at the girls, some of whom were foaming at the mouth and attempting to break through the bus’ windows with their foreheads.

The police, who have gained extensive experience beating back crowds with tear gas and indiscriminate violence during recent waves of national labor protests, seemed lost as to how to handle the situation.

Fortunately, a potentially gruesome incident was avoided, though the subsequent presence of what was reported as a “significant force” of ESMAD anti-riot units at the back of the stadium seems justified in light of the confrontation. Besides, even the ESMAD have a little “Belieber” in them.

The show itself went off without much of a problem in what reports agree was a flashy and well-coordinated display of tight white leather and strobe lights.

A technical problem at one point prompted Bieber to intiate a brief onstage Q&A with fans, during which the pop sensation removed his shirt. After an exhaustive investigation, Colombia Reports can confirm that no one swallowed their tongue at the sight of the smooth-chested wonder.

20 songs later, the city returned to normal. Bieber flew off to Quito for the next stop of his tour, and the numerous street vendors gathered outside the stadium did their best to hawk whatever belts, hats, t-shirts and sweaters they still had with his face on it.

The Bieber was gone, but in a city with more traffic, homelessness, violent crime and poverty then then it knows what to do with, the “Beliebf” in a better world will linger always, or at least until Beyonce comes back for another show.


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